hiding in my parents’ condo while we are robbed. my parents are gone but my friends have stopped by to hang out. we’re obeying the woman’s commands. something about this is very fishy. there are men in the other room but they haven’t come in and she is keeping us from seeing past the doorway. they don’t take much but what they do take is valuable and hidden in a specific place. it was my brother who took it. i know it was. i run outside while calling 911. they tell me that police are on their way but they’re not. the police are in on it because my brother is a cop. i see their lights in a traffic jam and my brother’s squad car. they turn around and drive away with the stolen goods. a perfect crime.
calling kevin. he answers from that dark place that is death. “Oh, Kate, it’s great to hear from you!” as if no time has passed. i still cringe at the name he has no right to call me. “has he gone to the place of causing harm again?” he asks me. i tell him that i don’t know, but things are going wrong and crashing around me and i want to know if it’s that he’s agitated. is that what is making the world wobbly?
pulling a man away from the attractive woman who robbed us earlier. i know she’s a vampire now, i know my brother is lost. but i save this man and leave her to a squatting drunk. i bring the man home. he’s half gone already but can be saved. a friend of mine has saved a man in a similar state and it’s clear they’re in love. that’s how it’s supposed to go. but this one isn’t for me. i can already tell.
watching a terminator-esque movie. my sister is there in my grandmother’s front room. she doesn’t know this story. how could she not? i tease her. i have it memorized. it plays the same way every time and it plays so often that i’m starting to realize i must have missed a time jump somewhere. things are just repeating themselves.
a nurse comes in and tells me she’s going to draw blood. she doesn’t have a needle on the syringe and i point it out to her. when she’s ready i ask her if she’s going to disinfect first and she washes her own skin instead of swabbing mine for the draw. she tells me from a place that sounds very far away even though she’s standing right there, “don’t worry, i have good thoughts. i have good thoughts.” and she jams the needle in my hand missing every vein. she pushes it in until my skin is bunching and moves it around in search of a vein. i scream and punch and curse in pain. she pulls it out and immediately jams it all the way into my upper arm muscle and is trying to pull blood but getting gas. it’s hurts so fucking bad and i’m furious. i kick her away and tell her what an awful stupid fucking nurse she is. i pull out the needle and watch her stand at the door, she’s turned away with her head hanging down, but she has grown much taller.
he has found me on my street but i can’t let him know that. i ask him about a jamaican place to eat he has mentioned and he offers to take me there. i go along because it’s the opposite direction of my home. when we get there, people are exiting a ride and they look pissed. i ask what is up with them and he tells me not to worry about it, we’re just getting a bite to eat. then he disappears behind a wall that is lit up with fake stained glass. it’s too bright for me to look at and it’s fucking with my balance. i’m bending back and trying to walk under the glare but i feel like i’m not getting any closer. i call back to the people behind me and explain that i can’t see where to get on the stairs and they think this is hilarious but they guide me behind the wall to the first step and it is mercifully dark in there. on the next floor we stop in a person’s apartment for a minute and look at their things. it’s my parents’ home from the first dream but they don’t live there anymore. when our table is ready we leave and go to the restaurant. it’s a buffet and it’s all meat. i’m disgusted by most of it. so much of it looks like undercooked unseasoned patties. he seems to love them. my dad is there for some reason and we all sit at a booth. it’s in a high rise and very chic. the place is packed. i don’t have anything on my plate. suddenly the whole room starts moving. we’re twirling and zig-zagging like the tilt-a-whirl and i notice that he has a seatbelt on. i didn’t even know we had seatbelts. he knew this was coming and tricked me just to see my face. i’m upset and praying it’s over soon. my dad is laughing and commenting about how we’ve been on faster rides. i want to barf up my empty stomach. and then there is a crash and everyone screams. our seats split apart and i am alone, falling from the building. it’s so fucking bright but this time i know. i can feel the spikes that fit into the seat next to mine and i know this was intentional. i know it’s a simulation. this virtual reality shit does not translate with only one eye. i close them both and breathe until i am slowly lowered and glide into the lobby area where we first came in. a recording tells me i have 30 seconds to get off or i’ll ride again. i can hardly move, i’m so nauseated and angry and blind. get me off of this fucking thing. i didn’t want to be on it in the first place. i don’t want to be on it ever again.