sitting on a couch at a low-key party.  facing a tv with a staircase to our right.  the woman next to me explains that she and her husband had another person in their relationship for a while but it didn’t work out.  her husband nods and says that he was fine with having another person but that it wasn’t the right person.  she tells me. leaning close “he was a wolf in pink dresses. he had a hidden power i can’t describe.  you remind me of him.” her husband fades into the background and she lunges like the big cat i know her to be.  we roll over the back of the couch and everyone is staring at us on the floor.  i stop her even though i never i want this to stop.
not here. not in front of everyone.
we chase each other up the stairs and the second level is the upstairs of my childhood home.  susie has moved out so we choose her room with its yellow carpet and bare yellow and green floral print mattress. there are no sheets but there is a knock on the door. i answer it half naked.  my little sister, age 4 and dressed in emerald green monk robes, hands me a blanket and bows before pulling the door closed.  the border trim of the quilt is crusty and dirty but we don’t care. we spread it out on the bed and jump on. neither of us being the submissive type it takes an excruciatingly lovely eon to reach our climax. pushing her radio songs out of my head, replacing them with guitar riffs that move us both, that finally gets her to stay smiling beneath me. the longer we go on the darker she gets. when we finally come she is a goddess shiny with shared sweat.

speeding down a twisted mess of dozens of highways.  i yell that we’re going to go over the edge.  at first it’s my mom driving but then it’s will and he goes over the edge and i’m outside, holding two yellow vinyl naugahyde covered plushy cubes. i yell at them to unlock the doors, to roll down the windows so i can save them.  they say that they can’t the power doesn’t work. i take a window key and stab it into each of the cubes.  one becomes a cardboard cylinder and i pull out a puppet head.  i yell to a miniature svengoolie to start cpr on his baby.  it’s triple wrapped in a butcher’s large freezer bag. i cut it away and when i pull out the head it becomes a full plush doll wearing a yellow raincoat and holding a guitar.

walking into a grocery store wearing mismatched knee high socks and short jean shorts.  they know who i am now and how powerful.  let them stare.