i’m being examined to see if i’m ready to move out into the world, out of this monastery.  i’m a 12 year old boy in robes. i know all of the answers.  but when they ask me the last question they hand me a red book with light pen scratches on the yellowed pages and blood-red ink stains over them, i can’t do it.  i argue. i tell them that i don’t believe it. they send me back to my room.
my sister jan visits.  she’s the age she was in 1985.  she tells me that i don’t have to believe.  that there’s a whole other world outside these walls and she can’t wait for me to join her.  but i have to answer the question as if i was a believer.  just demonstrate that i understand their system of beliefs, ok? i tell her i will.  i’ll take the exam again as soon as i can.  good! she nods and leaves.