i’m being examined to see if i’m ready to move out into the world, out of this monastery. i’m a 12 year old boy in robes. i know all of the answers. but when they ask me the last question they hand me a red book with light pen scratches on the yellowed pages and blood-red ink stains over them, i can’t do it. i argue. i tell them that i don’t believe it. they send me back to my room.
my sister jan visits. she’s the age she was in 1985. she tells me that i don’t have to believe. that there’s a whole other world outside these walls and she can’t wait for me to join her. but i have to answer the question as if i was a believer. just demonstrate that i understand their system of beliefs, ok? i tell her i will. i’ll take the exam again as soon as i can. good! she nods and leaves.