we’re on a boat.  we know it’s going to flip as soon as the wave rolls under us at the wrong angle.  me, my mom, my sister, and my cousin.  age 1991. we don’t have life jackets.  the water is incredibly deep.  the shore is very far away.
somehow we are rescued.  the dream skips to life in the sanatorium.  we’re recovering.  at first i’m confused and scream for my mother but she’s fine.  out grocery shopping.  we’re recuperating.  we’ll stay here until we’re well.
since i’m awake, i have to work.  i can’t be without insurance.  and since i’ve been out of it, i’m quickly approaching a deadline.  i panic about my finances.  my family depends on me working.  if i stay awake 2 nights in a row i might be able to get it done.
I turn to go back to my room in a rush.  i get disoriented.  i am in a hallway with an orderly and a patient on a gurney.  the patient is gushing blood.  the orderly is putting pressure on it and yelling for help.  none comes.  he announces that it’s too late, he’s gone, we lost him.  I turn on my heel and run.
i’m sitting on the floor in a denim blue hospital gown, sorting yellow papers in a brown room with porch windows.  trying to get everything in order.  jane visits.  she brings with her another stack of paper.  in addition to my work due, i’m also to add up all of these grades and enter them into the system.  the students will be very upset if their grades aren’t ready and it will reflect badly on jane.  i look at the pages.  each one is a student’s grade sheet.  it is a column of 1s and -1s. there are hundreds of pages.  i cry.  i pull at my hair and i yell at her: I don’t understand the way you think! IT DOESN’T MESH WITH MY BRAIN!